The 29th annual MTV Video Music Awards airs this Thursday, September 6th, from the Staples Center in Los Angeles. And while the lion's share of MTV's current programming is dedicated to underage moms, fist pumping guidos and teenage werewolves, this week the network is setting aside a night to pay homage to what brought it to the dance: music videos.
So before you sit back and check out what kind of luncheon meat Lady Gaga is trying to pass off as a dress this year, take a stroll down memory lane and check out some of the sexiest moments in the history of the show.
Rock Us, Please
Year: 2009
While introducing Russell Brand, the man she'd later go on to marry and then divorce, Katy Perry, with her boobs nearly popping out of her top, performed an incredibly sexy rendition of Queen's "We Will Rock You."
Bringin' Sexy Back
Year: 2006
At the height of his solo fame, Justin Timberlake, alongside longtime collaborator Timbaland, performed their hit single "SexyBack." And while JT and Timbaland aren't exactly our cup of tea, the girls whom they brought out on stage certainly were.
Paula Abdul's Three-Song Medley
Year: 1989
Paula Abdul's performance at the MTV Video Music awards combined her three top hits from her debut album, "Straight Up," "Cold Hearted Snakes," and "Forever Your Girl." Not to mention, she showed off her amazing skills as an entertainer with her opening tap number and rope twirling, all while trying to sing live.
What Beef?
Year: 1998
Brandy and Monica denied that "The Boy Is Mine" represented a rivalry between them, but the tabloids suggested otherwise. Monica was supposedly mad that Brandy performed it solo on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and Brandy was reportedly upset that Monica chose to use the name of the duet for the title of her second album. Eventually, it culminated in a VMA performance—with the two looking like our fantasy prom dates—that was meant to squash the rumored beef.
However, earlier this year, Monica confirmed to Angie Martinez on Hot97 that there was a physical altercation between the two before they hit the stage that year.
Tango Lessons
Year: 2002
At the tail-end of the Latin music explosion, Shakira took to the VMA stage for the first time to perform her crossover hit, "Tango." Barefoot and dressed in skin-tight, brown leather, this pint-sized sexpot rocked the stage, shook her ass and made one hell of a first impression.
Gettin' Dirty
Year: 2003
After getting overshadowed earlier in the show when MTV's cameras didn't catch all of her liplock with Madonna, Christina Aguilera decided that she needed to pull out all the stops with her second VMA performance. When she came back out later in the show to perform her controversial single, "Dirty," Christina was wearing a cleavage-enhancing, leather dress.
Spice Up Your Life
Year: 1997
At the '97 VMAs, the Spice Girls redefined girl power by showing up to the venue in platform shoes and glorified underwear (sans Mel C), essentially. Later, the group would bounce around in the same sexy outfits during a performance of their hit, "Say You'll Be There."
The Bad Apple
Year: 1998
(it was actually 1997)After she was voted MTV's Best New Artist, Fiona Apple had something to say, and it was far from a simple "I'd like to thank God." Nope, with her newly-won moon man in hand, Fiona said, "This world is bullshit. And you shouldn't model your life about what you think that we think is cool, and what we're wearing and what we're saying and everything. Go with yourself."
Yep, this adorable indie rock princess decided to use her acceptance speech to voice her issues with celebrity culture, and in doing so, she dropped an S-bomb on live TV. Fiona Apple is a rebel, and we find rebels sexy. Go on, girl!
Jenny From The Block
Year: 2000
Jennifer Lopez hit the red carpet alongside then-beau P.Diddy. Wearing painted-on white jeans, a matching bandana and a Sean John belly shirt that showed off her incredibly toned stomach, J.Lo looked more like the fly girl we first met on In Living Color than ever before. And not only did she look wildly hot, but she also took home a Moonman for "Best Dance Video."
Britney Can't Get No Satisfaction
Year: 2000
The first VMA broadcast of the new millennium was kicked off by Britney Spears walking down a staircase wearing a black tuxedo. Then, while covering The Rolling Stones classic, "(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction," she proceeded to tear off the tux to reveal a skin-tight, nude-colored outfit. Before you ask, yes, it was just as hot as it sounds.
Remember, this was back when Britney was best known for singing "Oops...I Did It Again" in a schoolgirl outfit and pigtails. This performance was the first public acknowledgement that Britney was no longer a girl, but we'd argue against the fact that she wasn't yet a woman.
Crazy for Beyonce
Year: 2003
VMA viewers were left wondering, "Who's Destiny's Child?" after being stunned with Beyonce's solo "Crazy In Love" performance. She took the stage with her future husband, Jay-Z, and performed a Bollywood-inspired mash-up of her hit single and "Baby Boy."
The Swimsuit Competition
Year: 2005
Why did Desperate Housewives' Eva Longoria decide to wear a skimpy, beige bikini to the VMAs? Honestly, we have no freakin' clue. But we do know that we're happy as hell that she did. Even though she was only on stage for a minute or so while introducing Mariah Carey, Eva's odd wardrobe choice made headlines.
TLC: The Leather Crew?
Year: 1999
In the late '90s, TLC was riding a tremendous wave of popularity. Their hit single "No Scrubs," which we can only assume is about the group's collective hatred of Zach Braff, was up for six awards. And though they only took home one moon man, the award for Best Group Video, they did unanimously win one unofficial award: The Best Dressed Group of the Night. T-Boz, Left Eye and Chili all looked ridiculously hot in their dominatrix-like VMA outfits.
Hips Don't Lie
Year: 2006
Shakira and ex-Fugee Wyclef Jean had a huge hit single, the soundtrack to the summer, "Hips Don't Lie." During the months preceding that VMA show, you just couldn't escape that song. It was played relentlessly on pop radio stations. It was played relentlessly on hip-hop radio stations. It was played in elevators and at the dentist's office. It was everywhere. So it only makes sense that the duo was asked to perform the song live at the VMAs, where we could finally find out if Shakira's hips were indeed telling the truth. After the performance, it was clear: no polygraph necessary.
The Wet T-Shirt Contest
Year: 2005
This year, American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson competed in, and unanimously won, the VMAs first wet t-shirt contest. She performed her hit single, "Since You've Been Gone," amidst a man-made indoor rainstorm. We're glad it was her and not Ruben Studdard.
Rihanna Disturbed
Year: 2008
Rihanna was no doubt the sexiest woman to walk out on the VMA stage. Dressed in form-fitting black leather, this beautiful Barbadian debuted what became a monster single, "Disturbia."
That's The Way Love Goes
Year: 1993
Back in the early 1990s, when Britney and Christina were busy dealing with midterms and acne, Janet Jackson was the queen of bringing sexy to the VMA stage. Though it'd no doubt be considered tame by today's standards, Janet's exposed stomach and bra made for the hottest performance of the year.
The Power of the Pasty
Year: 2009
In one of the most death-defying stunts at the VMAs, singer Pink wasn't the only thing hanging out. In addition to swinging around on a harness and doing acrobatic stunts to the song, "Sober," her left boob was also doing it's own free-falling with only a pasty as a safety net.
Off The Chain
Year: 1998
As if showing up to the award show arm-in-arm with the creeptacular Marilyn Manson wasn't enough, actress Rose McGowan decided to turn the weird up a notch. Before the big event got underway, this smoking hot Jawbreaker star walked the red carpet wearing a barely-there chainlink dress, and we use the word "dress" loosely. In fact, we take that back. Calling it a dress would be an outright lie. We're actually not sure what you call whatever it is that she wore, all we know is that if more women wore them, the world would be a happier place.
The Diva Striptease
Year: 1998
In the late 1990s, Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston were two of the hottest solo singers in the industry. So, when they walked out to present the Best Male Video award at the same time in matching dresses, the audience was unable to stop clapping up their sexiness. Top that with Carey realizing they were in the same dress, and ripping the bottom half off to show off her gorgeous legs, then Houston following suit, and you have TV magic.
The Snake Charmer
Year: 2001
One year after her nationally broadcast glorified striptease, Britney was back at it. She performed her sexually charged single "I'm A Slave For You" while somehow dressed in less than she was the previous year, with an enormous albino python draped over her shoulders. Sexual innuendo, anyone? Just like the year prior, Britney stole the show. Ms. Spears can charm our snake any day.
All The Single Ladies
Year: 2009
Knowles is no stranger to the VMA stage. Beautiful B, never one to be Lay-Z, always seems to steal the show at MTV's annual event. But in 2009, while performing her smash hit "Single Ladies" dressed in a tiny leotard that left little to the imagination, Beyonce was at her absolute VMA hottest. It should come as no surprise that Hova decided to put a ring on it.
Like A...Virgin?
Year: 1984
Madonna, never one to shy away from controversy, decided to perform her hit single, "Like A Virgin," while wearing a lacy, white wedding dress with a "Boy Toy" belt buckle. And while in those days her wardrobe choice was enough to spark a decent amount of controversy, Madonna proceeded to belt out the song while writhing around on stage in the first-ever nationally broadcast dry humping session. We're sure the performance led to quite a few teenage boys touching themselves for the very first time.
Feelin' Up Lil' Kim
Year: 1999
Lil' Kim caused a stir when she arrived wearing a purple sequined pantsuit with one distinct piece of the outfit missing: the piece that covered her left boob. Yep, save for a matching purple pasty that couldn't have been much bigger than a silver dollar, Lil' Kim was a lil' topless.
Later, when Kim and Mary J. Blige presented an award with Diana Ross, Ross opted to greet Kim not by shaking her hand, but by jiggling her breast. It was an unforgettable moment. We're just upset that the greeting didn't take off, rendering the handshake obsolete.
The Kiss
Year: 2003
This year's VMA show didn't open up with a bang, but with a kiss. Alleged archrivals Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera joined forces to honor one of their mutual heroes, Madonna. These two princesses of pop, each wearing sexy, lace wedding gowns, paid tribute to Madonna's sexy 1984 VMA performance with a cover of “Like a Virgin." And as if the inaugural duet between Britney and Christina wasn't enough to grab some headlines, business picked up when Madonna herself joined in on the action.
Dressed as a groom, the Queen of Pop exchanged seductive stares with her successors. Then, from out of nowhere, the stars aligned and something magical happened. On live TV, Madonna kissed both Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. We think that for the 10-year anniversary they should turn it up a notch and invite Katy Perry to the party.
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Bill Murray, didn't you have a chance to change before your audition for "Brave 2"?
